If you believe everything you see in gay male porn, gay sex is always hot and perfectly synchronised. Camera angles work wonders; however, the reality is somewhat different. Gays.com takes a tongue-in-cheek look at some of those awkward moments.

 

1. You’re going to do what with that?

We’ve all been there. You’ve picked up a hunk in the bar and dragged him back to your flat, whipped down his pants and then… Well, things can either go one of two ways. A. What he has between his legs looks like a stunted carrot from your grandfather’s allotment, or B. His bulging bratwurst is liable to send you to hospital with mangled kidneys. 

man measuring penis size
Busted butt anyone?
 

2. Beware the hair

One of the delights, but also perils, of the male form, is facial hair, and there’s a fine line between the erotic sensation of it gently rubbing against your skin and second-degree burns on your bell end. Then, of course, there’s the all too common issue of pubes stuck between your teeth. One or two is an unfortunate inevitability, but you don’t want to look like a semi-starved cow chewing rampantly at the cud. Not everyone wants to burrow deep into the Amazon forest.
 

3. Taking your time (or not)

That awkward moment when you’re just getting your engines revving, and you realise you've blown your gasket. Yep, you’re so turned on that it’s over before it’s begun. Or, equally as undesirable, the complete and utter inability to cum. He’s pulled out every trick of whoredom in the book: tugged on your nipples like he’s ringing the bells of Notre Dame; polished your cock until his tongue’s blistered; and called you every deliciously filthy, slutty name under the sun – and yet you still can’t finish. Time to surrender and go and make a nice cup of tea.
 

4. Disastrous dimensions

Just as cock size can be an issue, so too can be the receiving vessel.  Ungainly antics can follow when you find yourself swirling around a rectum which resembles the Black Hole of Calcutta. At the other end of the scale, a tight hole is much celebrated in the gay world – but not to the extent that it should cut off the blood supply to your beef bayonet. Time to exercise some patience and a little light jabbing. 

gay couple in bed
You're so tight, man!


5. Lube issues

Few gays are self-lubricating (and those who are, may carry a drip tray), making lube a necessity in sexual relations. Attempting to delicately open the pack of condoms and the sachet of lube while in the throes of passion is always a challenge. Then, of course, there’s the catastrophe of running out of lubricant just as you’re gagging to go for round three. Stock up and have supplies close to hand to avoid any inelegant fumbling. 
 

6. Piercings and punctures

The unexpected sight of a Prince Albert is arguably one of the wonders of the world – but do try and keep a tap on your joy. Remember that that shiny, brutal looking piece of metal is attached to something rather delicate – bear this in mind as it rattles around your mouth dislodging your fillings. One misplaced tug and you’re in a most compromising situation. 
 

7. Messy sex

There’s no getting away from it: sex is messy – at least it is if it’s done properly. Expect the unexpected – and don’t get pissy if your sheets end up resembling a hospital bed following a minor battle in the Crimean War. Accidents will and do happen. If you’re too hung up on not making a mess while you’re banging away, then you really do need to address your OCD issues. Enjoy the moment!
 

 

Have you had any funny experiences when having sex?  Comment below.

 


 


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