I think coming out was a fairly anti-climactic experience for me. There were no fireworks, there was no homophobia, and there weren't any negative reactions. Maybe we just hear about the experiences that are one extreme or another; positive or negative. Mine wasn't like that.

I suppose the first person I came out to was an acquaintance in high school. I was 17 or 18, and it was only a month or two before graduation. I had really been crushing on him, and thought he was gay. I asked him. He said 'no', then never spoke to me again. He was a perfectly accepting guy, but my social ineptitude in high school knew no bounds, and I made him uncomfortable in the worst of ways by asking that question.

That was the first experience, and the worst. Still, it taught me how to approach the subject with someone else. With subtlety.

My next experience was a full two years later, in my first week at college in upstate New York. It was a liberal environment, and the male to female ratio was skewed in my favor. More guys than girls. Who could ask for a better place to come out?

I was sitting at a table with three or four other people. All of them happened to be talking about being gay or bisexual, and eventually one of them casually asked if I was. He did it the right way (unlike myself, two years earlier). I said 'yes'. Amusingly, it hadn't been the answer he expected, and his jaw dropped.

"Wait, what? You're really gay?"

"Yeah."

"...Seriously?"

"Yes!"

Apparently one of the witnesses to that event then told another friend of mine, who proceeded to spit out her salad and cry. She thought I was interested in her sexually, and it took her by surprise. We became best friends and laughed about it thereafter.



I've never had a real coming out experience with my parents, nor have I cared for one. I know they love me, and I know it doesn't matter to them whether I'm attracted to guys or girls. That said, they're not stupid, and they know I'm gay. I have a comical personality, and coming out generally precedes a serious discussion. If I came out to them officially, I'd probably just ask someone to pass the salt during dinner and say, "by the way, I like penis quite a bit, if you know what I mean."

If I'm in a serious relationship, I wouldn't hesitate to bring a guy home.

I think it's unfortunate that so many adolescents aren't comfortable with sharing such an intimate part of themselves with others, but of course I understand why. We all do. Most people probably know you're gay already. Even if they don't, the ones who truly care about you will either accept you straight away, or they'll come around.

Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves that the fight or flight response was biologically designed to warn us of life or death danger, and that coming out shouldn't logically require that kind of anxiety. •

Enjoyed this story? Then try these:

'When I came out to my nephew, he confused gay with goth!'

'Mum placed our wedding picture on the mantelpiece next to those of my brothers’

Don't freak out when coming out: here are the dos and dont's!


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My coming out to my friends was easy. I am just what they have thought about: gay. :) As I told them, most of them accepted it with : HA ! I KNEW IT !!! And we laughed together. Easy.

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Posted · Report

Your story echos my own coming-out experiences. I came out to one of my best friends over Skype a month ago and she took it quite well, although there wasn't any tear or symbolic kisses and hugs as I expected. It was, as you said, pretty anti-climatic and a bit disappointing even. Lol. But to be fair, I was quite impulsive with my decision that night to come out so I wasn't really in a position to expect a theatrical performance. Yesterday I came out to more of my friends through Whatsapp and emails. They all took it pretty well, too, and some actually surprised me. I'm still waiting for responses from 3 more friends tho, and the longer they make me wait, the more nervous I actually feel. I suppose the biggest fears are all in our heads, it's us preying on our insecurities all along. I haven't come out to my family yet but I'm giving them as much subtle hints as possible. I'm going through a defiant phase when I believe that if my parents love me so much they'd better know my sexuality all along. Lol Funny enough, I woke up this morning anticipating some kind of physical and emotional transcendence but was left unimpressed with how I looked just like yesterday and how the world kept going with its normal daily routines. Pretty embarrassing how we, the insignificant humans on this massive planet which itself is pretty insignificant within the vaster universe, tend to over-estimate our own gravity on the orbit of the world. :S

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JDJ5585

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Thanks, I appreciate it :)

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Andy102

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Great post JD, love your story. ;-)

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